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A Year Ago This Week
Author Archives: Gillian
Lent
Woke up this morning to a bit of a surprise: a light dusting of snow over everything. I had thought about going down to the shipyard to help out for the day but a combination of the snow and the fact that I’m working every non-school day next month made me stay home. I will be cherishing all the time I have to “do nothing” from here on in!
Not that I did nothing today. After some mundane house-related things, I went off on my walk. I’ve come to like walking a lot lately. During my months of serious thinking about my future, I did a lot of walking because it helped to clear my thoughts and was a good way to get away from distractions and pray as I enjoyed God’s creation. It was too good of a thing to give up and now I walk as often as I can. Though lately it has become more of a destination-focussed walk (Cadboro Bay, either the beach or the coffee shop, depending on the weather) than a walk-focussed walk.
As I’ve mentioned, I rarely listen to my iPod when I’m walking around anymore. As a result, I think I’ve been more involved in creation as I go. Rustling leaves beside the path give me a reason to pause and I’ve noticed some cute little wrens; a loud chirping (borderline obnoxious chatter) has introduced me to a new (for me) hummingbird. This morning, despite the snow, the signs of spring were everywhere.
I spent some on the walk, and at my mid-point coffee shop/journaling spot, time reflecting on last night’s Ash Wednesday service at church. It was quite a moving and thought-provoking service. I found it interesting (not coincidental though, because I don’t think it is coincidence when these things match up) that the Old Testament reading (Isaiah 58) directly related, at least in my mind, to the book I just finished reading, Three Cups of Tea. Related, at least, in the sense of vs. 6&7 of the OT reading:
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:to loose the chains of injusticeand untie the cords of the yoke,to set the oppressed freeand break every yoke?Is it not to share your food with the hungryand to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe him,and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
My challenge for Lent this year is two fold; I’m not “giving up” anything, rather I want to change how I do things.
I want to spend more time in prayer and reading/meditating on the Word, less time doing meaningless things that eat up time.
And I want to examine how I interact with my world, both my immediate circle and the greater world around me, finding ways to do the kind of fast God deems as acceptable.
Ash Wednesday
Although I do not hope to turn again
Although I do not hope
Although I do not hope to turn
Wavering between the profit and the loss
In this brief transit where the dreams cross
The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying
(Bless me father) though I do not wish to wish these things
From the wide window towards the granite shore
The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying
Unbroken wings
And the lost heart stiffens and rejoices
In the lost lilac and the lost sea voices
And the weak spirit quickens to rebel
For the bent golden-rod and the lost sea smell
Quickens to recover
The cry of quail and the whirling plover
And the blind eye creates
The empty forms between the ivory gates
And smell renews the salt savour of the sandy earth
This is the time of tension between dying and birth
The place of solitude where three dreams cross
Between blue rocks
But when the voices shaken from the yew-tree drift away
Let the other yew be shaken and reply.
Blessed sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.
From T.S. Eliot’s Ash Wednesday, stanza VI.
Filling out an application form:
Question: How do you handle isolation from familiar surroundings and/or people?
Answer: My first solo international travel experience was going, on my own, to live in a foreign country for a year to attend a school in a culture I was not familiar with. I have gone without seeing land for 35 days. I have had to shop for food for 40 people in a country where I did not speak the language, was not familiar with the currency, did not have any mode of transportation other than my feet, and where there were no grocery stores.
Conclusion: I’m still alive and fairly high functioning. I’d say I did reasonably well.
This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me.
(Isaiah 43:16-21 ~ The Message)
New Directions (Again)
I’ve been doing a bit of thinking on the subject of music as of late. I hope to assimilate it all into something coherent at some point in the not too distant future but its not coming together to my satisfaction yet, so that will have to wait. Perhaps that is why I’ve been so rubbish about posting lately: avoidance.
I finished up another application to graduate school and sent it off in the post yesterday. That felt really good. For those of you not yet in the know, I’ve been rethinking my direction over the last couple months. There has been some serious thinking and praying going on over here as I determine if I am headed in a direction I would be happy with. Increasingly, nursing was feeling like a bad move: easy to get a good paying job, easy to travel all over the place with once graduated, but not sitting well inside. I tend to follow my gut like that – I’ll think everything out rationally, even make pro/con lists, and then follow my intuition. It has worked well for me thus far. It was feeling like a bad move as I was feeling trapped, a feeling I don’t like, and not entirely happy. All that and I had not even started the program yet.
So, after lots of walking and praying (I pray better outside while I’m walking all over the place) and after some serious consultation with a select few friends and family, I’ve gone back to the original original plan. The plan that was the plan before I even finished my undergrad: counseling. Really it was the plan all along, I think, I just lost sight of it in my relief to be done school. I’ve applied at a distance program which will allow me to live wherever I want and have a job at the same time. The beauty of this is that I now don’t have to leave Victoria, something I was increasingly reluctant to do. Ironic, the world traveller doesn’t want to move for the first time in ages. I guess it is time for me to spend some more time and invest in a community for longer than six months to a year.
I haven’t cancelled my application to McGill for nursing yet. I guess I want to see if I can actually get in… but it is looking less and less likely that I will follow through on that even if I get accepted. I’m excited about staying here and excited about pursuing something that feels like a much better fit.
A friend alerted me to the fact that the federal government had changed the way it funds social science graduate students a number of weeks ago. Finally, a columnist in Macleans has picked up on it and, thankfully, agrees that the idea to fund only business students for social science/humanities/arts graduate work is ludicrous. Thankfully I’m not applying for the SSHRC so I don’t have to worry about having that application turned down.
Today
Beautiful day in Victoria. I finally got my long-awaited sleep-in this morning and managed to get a whole 30 minutes extra. After running around downtown and various other places, I walked down to Cadboro Bay once again. It is becoming one of my favourite places to pass time. It was wonderfully warm until the sun moved behind trees and shade began to creep across the beach. I sat on a log and drank my coffee while alternating between reading my book and watching all the people on the beach.
There were lots of dogs being run on the beach and they are always humerous to watch as they hop up and down waiting for sticks to be thrown, sniff each other up and down, and frolic in the water. Other people were taking in the sunshine just strolling down the beach or going for a run and still others were doing like myself and sitting on a log soaking in the sun.
Now that it has warmed up a bit from our periodic snow and bitter cold wind over the last few weeks, the blossoms are beginning to emerge. The snowdrops have been up for a few weeks but all of a sudden the crocuses are showing and there are a number of daffodil buds to be seen. Trees have the beginnings of blossoms and everything is lovely and green. My biggest surprise today was the pussy-willows. I’m used to small bushes like what we had in the backyard in Belleville. We would cut a few branches every year and wait for them to bud inside during Lent as our Easter tree. They have already bud here and apparently grow to the size of a full grown tree!
Speaking of Lent, next week is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the season leading up to Easter. Tuesday is Shrove Tuesday (Mardi Gras) and I’m looking forward to my first church pancake supper in many years. That means it is now time to start thinking about anything that I might do in lifestyle change during the season of Lent. How about you? Any plans? Think about it and let me know. It is easier to keep commitment to these things if we support each other.
One of the problems I have with Facebook is that now I find myself thinking in terms of status updates.
For example:
“Gillian has missed the window of opportunity for her afternoon walk in the sunshine”
“Gillian is beset with opportunities on all sides”
It is like Twitter, but the egotistical version.
Today I…
- Start reading break.
- Survived the week of exams and work (though there are two work days before I can sleep in).
- Am tired.
- Didn’t do too well on my Chemistry quiz (I just have that feeling).
- Did well on my Biomedical Ethics exam (same feeling).
- Got up way too early to study.
- Am feeling good about life.
- Plan on doing nothing for the rest of the day.
- Am looking forward to Tuesday when I can finally sleep in.
- Ran out of crackers and have no snacks left.
- Will be thinking about talking to St Raphael tomorrow.
gillian's island 