Category Archives: Life

Seasons

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What a beautiful, sunny afternoon I had today. I walked home through the winding roads of Fairfield, soaking in the sun, the sounds of birds chirping, and the new pink and green growth emerging from brown earth and branches.

I like the change in seasons; spring always prompts me to take stock of my life and direction. Right now, I have a fairly good idea of the next year-ish, though there are some details to still be worked out. Things will always surprise me: I did not expect to go to Kenya last year, but I did and am so thankful I had that opportunity. Still, that does not stop the “J” in me from wanting to have at least a rough idea of the next 1,2,5 years… The last three or four years, around this time, have been a time of real self-reflection and exploration for me. This year is no different, however unlike the last few, I have the “itch” back: the itch to get up and go off adventuring somewhere. A year and a half from now, I will be completed my degree and practicum and will be able to register with a governing body and practice. Then what?

Saturday Night’s (Not) Alright

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It is Saturday night. I am at home finishing writing a paper due tomorrow instead of going to either the Pacific Baroque Festival or the Harry Manx Concert. I briefly left the house this evening to visit my local grocery store for sustenance. On the way, I smelt the kids smoking pot in the bushes along the pathway and the sweet aroma of newly fertilized flower beds outside of the paint shop. Instead of getting the usual crap to munch on whilst writing, I managed to leave with tomato juice and carrot sticks. I’m not sure what is wrong with me.

60

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I foolishly used the premium photo last year. In any case, today marks a milestone for my father: he is 60 years young! Happy Birthday Daddy!

Last year, I shared some stories; this year, I will share some pictures. I’ll also add that I am blessed to be the daughter of such a wonderful, loving father. Love you.

First time Dad…

Second time Dad…

Dad visiting me in Fiji

Dad really likes his CocaCola… he’ll even dress up like a bandit to get it.
There are no words to describe how much I love this photo. Its actually from Dad in Mali with CRWRC.

Dad in Kenya with CRWRC – hanging out with the men.

Dad and his girls in Kenya. 🙂

Routines Part deux

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The other day, I wrote about my bus routine.

This week, my work schedule has been thrown off due to a coworker needing time off for a funeral. I’m only too glad to shift things up for that sort of reason. Consequently, I had yesterday off and found myself taking a different bus downtown in time for choir practice. Cue the shock of my life when I step onto the bus and spot young mum who I usually see on the other bus, this time with no child.

I have now figured it out! She is a UVic student, leaves school on the bus from campus, gets off and picks up son at day care before catching the other bus two blocks over that will take her downtown. And I’m not a stalker.

Peoples lives are so interesting.

Thoughts

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Life.
It is constantly changing yet stays the same.
It provides excitement and disappointment.
There are opportunities and there are challenges.
People come and people go.
In the end, what do you have except yourself?
And the people who care about you.

Routines

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I can’t decide if I like routine or not.

Over the last few years, the one letter that has changed back and forth on my Myers-Briggs type is the one governing routine versus spontaneity. Currently, the routine side is winning.

***

Every Wednesday at 4:45pm, I rush out of work to catch the 4:46 bus that takes me downtown to choir practice. The last two weeks it has been late, consequently I have been late. It throws me off and can annoy me; I find myself obsessively checking my watch when that happens.

Half way between McKenzie and Hillside, a young mother and her son get on the bus. She cannot be as old as me and her son isn’t more than three or four. They have a great relationship and the mother is so patient with her son. He always seems very excited to be on the bus: each time is like his first time.

Once, I saw them opt to wait for the next bus because the 4:46 was on the full side. I probably wouldn’t do that because I am usually in a hurry.

Today, I took the bus downtown. It was an hour earlier than I catch it on Wednesdays, though the bus was still late. I am not sure I have ever caught that particular bus before as Thursdays are my day of doing lots of things – no routine. About half way between McKenzie and Hillside, the young mum and her son got on. The same pair as on the 4:46 Wednesday bus; the same place they always catch it.

I had a hard time not staring. Do they always take the earlier bus on Thursdays? Or was this a change in their routine as well? Crazy random happenstance?

Either way, it made me think about routines. I will look for them again next Wednesday.

Dawning of a Brand New Year

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Christmas, New Westminster

So what if it is January 3 and it has taken me this long to write anything about the new year. Aside from a New Years Eve party that continued until 2am, it feels like the new year has entered with more of a fizzle than a pop; it seems no different than last week.

If anything, I’m more stressed than I was last week.

The next course starts tomorrow and I’ve already been doing readings in preparation for it. Gone are the days when I bought the text book a week or two into the course and read it the day before the final exam. I seem to be working more this week than I have in previous weeks and I have meetings. With the busy advent season over (does anyone else find it ironic that our two church seasons of slowing down and contemplation – advent and lent – seem to the be the busiest time in the church calendar?) meetings that were put on hold are starting up once again. Now is when I discover just how busy I will be with various committees and commitments.

Is it more helpful to look ahead or to dwell in the moment? Some would remind that looking ahead prepares one for what is to come. It can also cause undue anxiety. Others suggest that to dwell in the moment and live each day for what it offers without looking too far ahead (consider the lilies of the field…?) is the supreme way to live ones life. I find that a good balance of the two works well… usually…

What, then, am I looking forward to this year?

  • By this time next year, I will be more than two-thirds of the way through my degree (I think, if I’ve calculated it correctly).
  • My cousin is getting married in the spring. I get to go to Montreal.
  • Ten year high school reunion (holy cow!).
  • Work, work, work.
  • Hosting a conference with Brian McLaren and Steve Bell
  • A possible road trip around BC and Alberta.
  • Sailing.
  • Visiting our Anglican friends in Burma.
  • Having a full summer in Victoria for the first time in… ever?
  • Spending time with family and friends.

Of Western-ness and Burning Bushes

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I recently stumbled upon something – a letter about a part of the Creed – I wrote in January 2007. I liked it and thought to share it:

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
The holy, catholic church,
The communion of saints,
The forgiveness of sins,
The resurrection of the body,
And the life everlasting. Amen

I believe in the Holy Spirit…
Why does Jesus get so many lines in the creed and the Holy Spirit just one?
The Holy Spirit always seems to get the short end of the stick in discussions involving the Trinity. The academic part of me knows this may be because Jesus was the “hot topic” of the day when the creed was written; with all the heresies abounding to claim him as one thing or another there was a need for a unifying statement of faith. But the other part of me thinks that surely the Holy Spirit deserves more than just an “I believe in the Holy Spirit”. Is not the Holy Spirit one of the more real aspects of the Trinity for us today? We can’t see God the Father or Jesus directly (although I suppose we don’t actually see the Holy Spirit either), but in terms of the Holy Spirit, we often speak of experiencing him in a real way in our daily lives. Jesus told his disciples when he left that he would send his Holy Spirit to them, and, by extension, to us. So if the Holy Spirit is with us on a daily basis, it should merit much more in the way of discussion than just a single line!
Frequently the Holy Spirit misses out in discussions and the like because we don’t really understand him. However, do we understand God either? Or Jesus? I suppose if faith depended on understanding, I would be out of luck. I do know, however, that we would be lost but for the presence of the Holy Spirit.

The holy, catholic church
One of the things I have loved when travelling is visiting other churches. I love the catholic-ness, the worldwide-ness of the church and family of God; I love how the same God may be encountered worldwide by people of different nationalities and traditions. It was this catholic-ness of the church that really opened my Chinese language partner’s eyes this summer when she realised that Christianity was not exclusively a Western religion, but was and is worldwide. It is this catholic-ness that I experienced this year when I was communing in a multinational missionary church service in Xining, China; a Danish service in Copenhagen; a German service in Wolfsburg; a Dutch service in Amsterdam; an English-German service in Freiburg; an English service in London; a French service in Montreal; and the fellowship of my own part of the body in Victoria. Wow! We were all reading from the same Bible and speaking of the same God – sometimes even singing the same songs tho in different languages. This is truly The Communion of saints in a world-wide manner. The ideal, which, sadly, is often not realised, is a worldwide church; not divided or segregated from itself but set apart for God as holy.

The forgiveness of sins
Where would I be if this was not so?!? I do not want to contemplate.

The resurrection of the body, And the life everlasting.
I look forward to it.
I have been rereading one of my favourite trilogies this week and it has been like sitting down with an old friend. It is one that belonged to my mum and that is probably part of the value of it to me – her notes are on many of the pages and reading it is a glimpse into her thoughts which I don’t otherwise get anymore. In it, the author talks of our oneness, not as a group of people, but as a self. The oneness of ourself and our being. What she speaks of is what I look forward to at the resurrection of the
body.

The burning bush: somehow I visualize it as much like one of these blueberry bushes. The bush burned, was alive with flame and was not consumed. Why? Isn’t it because, as a bush, it was perfect? It was exactly as a bush is meant to be. A bush doesn’t have the opportunity for prideful and selfish choices, for self-destruction, that we human beings do. It is. It is a pure example of ontolgy. Ecology — ontology — the words fascinate me. Ontology is one of my son-in-law’s favourite words, and I’m apt to get drunk on words, to go on jags; ontology is my jag for this summer, and I’m grateful to Alan for it — as for so much else. Ontology: the word about the essence of things; the word about being.
I go into the brook because I get out of being, out of the essential. So I’m not like the bush, then. I put all my prickliness, selfishness, in-turnness, onto my isness; we all tend to, and when we burn, this part of us is consumed. When I go past the tallest blueberry bush, where my twine is tied to one of the branches, I think that the part of us that has to be burned away is something like the deadwood on the bush; it has to go, to be burned in the terrible fire of reality, until there is nothing left but our ontological selves; what we are meant to be. (A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L’Engle)

Nothing left but our ontological selves. What we are meant to be.

Amen. So be it.

Grace and peace,
Gillian

Two Letters

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To: The two young mums sitting in front of me at church this evening.

I know we didn’t get a chance to talk, and I regret that, but I wanted to tell you that you have some very adorable little boys. The young one sitting directly in front of me, how old was he? Two? Three? His big brown eyes were open with such wonder and his excitement at the pipe organ and candles was beautiful to see. I think that is where the phrase “wide-eyed wonder” comes from. I am guessing, from his reaction to everything, that you don’t come to church very often. I’m glad you came tonight for the Nine Lessons and Carols service! It was pretty full, there must have been 800-900 people there. I’ve been slow at getting into the “Christmas Spirit” this year, but your children reminded me of what it should be like – wide-eyed with excitement at the joy and wonder of Christmas.

I wish I had taken the opportunity to lean over during a carol and whisper to you that not all people at church are like the two old ladies sitting directly in front of you. I was happy you were there and would love to see you another Sunday if you choose to come back again. I hope you didn’t feel pushed aside when someone mentioned the soft-space for kids at the back of the sanctuary. It is more kid friendly back there and your boys probably enjoyed themselves more. Were you still able to enjoy the service from there? I wasn’t enjoying it much after you left, and I was still in my seat, close to the front, with a good view of the choir and the readers. I was troubled by how you were treated and I hope that you don’t think that is how all church people are. Most of us are loving and welcoming and would be overjoyed to have young families like both of yours join us on a regular basis.

If I ever see you at church again, I promise I will come over and talk to you and I hope you have a better second experience.

To: The two old ladies sitting two rows in front of me, directly in front of the two young mums.

Have you no idea what you did tonight? Do you really think that repeated turning around to loudly “shush” a two year old is going to make your church service better? Is cursing the toddler’s mother really the way for you or her to hear the Good News of the birth of Jesus?

I was so embarrassed for you. I wanted to take you aside after the service and humiliate you the way you humiliated them. But I didn’t. I did not think that would be the best option and since I could not think of a good way to word things, I let it be.

But I still wonder, did you listen to any of the Scripture readings tonight? What about the short paragraph before each reading. I’m talking about the parts describing the marginalized and downtrodden in society; how they were the the one’s God chose to appear to, not the high-and-mighty religious folk snug in their pews every Sunday. Sound familiar? I know that you like everything to be “just so” and that the little boy’s squeals of delight over the new sights and sounds of church were too out of the ordinary and disruptive to your comfortable little church life. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why Jesus came was to hang out with the people you just cursed? Has it occurred to you that your actions may have pushed two people and, by extension, their children, away from church? Is it any wonder that our churches are shrinking when folks like you are doing your best to scare people away?

Please, don’t ever let me catch you doing anything like that again at my church. Next time I don’t think I will be able to contain myself.

Image Rehab

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We have two “Christian Book Stores” in Victoria. Or at least two that I am aware of. One is a small storefront downtown and largely serves the Catholic population and, to some extent, the Anglicans. The other is a large store out near the biggest mall in town and is one of those all-encompassing book, music, card, magazine, random Christian paraphernalia stores. One is used by just the Catholics and some Anglicans, the other is visited by nearly every other Christian in town.

Today, I was at the latter. In preparation for the previously mentioned very exciting upcoming conference, I’d ordered in a book that I’d like to do a study on at church. My reasoning is that it is a good idea for the congregation to have some exposure to an author/speaker before he does a conference we expect them to attend. I ended up (luck of the draw? or divine intervention?) being helped at the cash by the owner of the store. As he was ringing up my purchase I mentioned that Brian McLaren was coming to Victoria and would he be willing to put up a poster at the store for us when they are made and we begin promotions. The conversation that followed convinced me of one thing: Anglicans need to do some serious image-management.

“So, Brian McLaren’s going to be coming to town in the spring to do a conference. Once I’ve got a poster made up, would you be willing to put one up here at the store?” I asked.

He replied, “Brian McLaren’s coming? Who’s hosting it?”

“Christ Church Cathedral”

“Christ Chu… What?” Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. All were fairly evident in facial expression and tone of voice.

I tried to clarify, but how much clearer could I be? There is only one Christ Church Cathedral in town. “Christ Church Cathedral. Downtown. The Anglican Cathedral…”

“But, who’s hosting it? I mean, who’s putting the event on? Who’s bringing him in?” He still doesn’t understand.

“The adult education committee at the Cathedral is hosting and has invited him.” That’s right – still Christ Church Cathedral… I’m not changing my answer any time soon here.

“Is anyone coming with him?” Yes, the Archbishop of Canterbury. Would that make it easier to understand that Brian is coming to an Anglican church?

“Yes, Steve Bell will be doing the music for the conference and a concert at the Cathedral on the Saturday night.”

Now we’re on more familiar ground: “Oh, Steve Bell! He didn’t come this year – he normally comes every year. Good. Sure, you can hang a poster. Do you need a book table at the conference? Because we can provide that. And help with promotions.”

Phewf.

Why is it so hard to imagine an Anglican church bringing in an emergent church thinker/speaker/writer? Can we not be on the forefront of re-imagining how we do church? Is that sort of thing limited to a specific denomination or group of the Christian church? I don’t think so. It is unfortunate that certain parts of it have the reputation of being traditional or unchanging. Certainly aspects are. But aspects of all institutions are fairly unchanging – the Anglican church is not alone amongst churches in that regard. There are exciting things happening in the global Anglican church as well as locally in our diocese. I was at a meeting this evening discussing the starting of some of these things. Perhaps an inter-denominational, ecumenical conference hosted at the Cathedral will be a way of opening ourselves up to the wider community and shattering some of those images.